English Class Blog

Reflective Cover Letter

2009-12-14T06:04:00.000-08:00

For my portfolio, the three papers I have chosen to create final drafts for are, the proposal, the news article, and the "This I believe" essay. And of course, the trend analysis paper. The proposal is asking me to create a paper to inform people about an issue. The paper has to be persuasive, and make people take action. The news article is self explanatory, I choose a local news worthy topic, and create an article. And then there's the "This I believe essay". In my own words, I have to describe a belief. A funny one, a life lesson, and anything in between.

I feel like these papers are my strongest, and if I put a little bit more work into them, they can be good pieces of writing. My "This I believe essay" is one I feel strongly about because it really gives me a chance to say what I want, and share my belief's, which I love to do. The proposal piece is about pollution, which is something I'm strongly against. Maybe if the final draft is good enough, Mr.Tinberg will show it to a couple of his other classes. They might learn a couple of things. And finally the news article, I think this as a first draft was my best one, and I know I can make it better.

In my this I believe essay, I made a huge change in the story, and completely threw the old one out of the window. But, the paper still needs structure, and it needs to be clear. The proposal essay hasn't much changed, but much like my other drafts, certainly needs structure, transition from paragraph to paragraph isn't good enough. And my topics are off. And finally with the news article, I changed the "lead" and think it makes the introduction better. It's definitely more clear. I also made it longer, and a bit less redundant.

Hopefully after the finals drafts, I'll have pieces good enough to go into my portfolio. I know these papers have potential, and I can certainly make the best of them, and create something that I can be proud of.

Trend paper draft 2

2009-12-13T15:13:00.001-08:00

Jordan DoMonte

Prius sales have gone down 45 percent since last year, but driving fuel efficient cars is now becoming a trend despite the poor sales. The number of sales for other eco friendly cars has gone up, and by 2014 over half of the united states population will have these green cars in their garages. Every major car company is working on or has made atleast one fuel efficient automobile, and many more will be available on the market.

But what has caused people to suddenly want these eco friendly cars? In America, it's not because they want to save the environment, high gas prices have caused people to think twice about choosing the right car. And the high gas prices are due to limited fossil fuel resources, and a number of other complications. Eventually, all of our fossil fuels will be used up, and we're already finding it harder to reach them.

The economy is also playing a big part in this, as it is with almost everything. It's a fact, money's tight, we don't have that much money to be spending on gas guzzling, behemoth suv's and trucks. We have to be smart about our money, and green cars are a great way to do so. Some cars have a system where using the stepping on the breaks can actually generate power to fuel the car! Take that, Hummer.

Although the ads say we should buy them to save the environment, all we reallly want is to save a couple bucks. Trucks and SUV's are really costly to fill up, but we need them to tend to the larger families, so now we're seeing more and more of them as fuel efficient. Although there are now stricter emissions standards for new cars, we still see people driving gas guzzlers from the 70's and 80's, because these cars are just a cheaper buy. Again, money being the reason for the car, and not whether it's environmental or not.

Another reason these cars are becoming a trend is because the cars aren't only cheap on gas, but cheap themselves. The Toyota Yaris is 12,000 dollars brand new, yet gets 30mpg, being a cheap car, and cheap on gas. The brand new Honda Civic are around 15,000 dollars, and get about 28 mpg's, and are a popular choice among teenagers. Even American car makers including Chevrolet have been putting out cheap, fuel efficient cars. The Chevy Aveo is economically sane at 11,000 dollars, and evironmentally safe with 32 mpg's!

So, as you drive down your streets, you'll probably be seeing more smaller cars, and cars that are really fuel efficient. Since companies have started making these cars, and people have been driving them, we've saved 230 millions gallons of oil! The percentage of Hybrid owners is at 2 percent, but due to incredible sales, is expected to go another 10 percent in the next five years. We'll be saving a lot more oil which we could be putting to other uses, and could also end conflict between oil countries.

So, because of the shortage of fossil fuels, the rough economy,(and in other parts of the world, the environment) we're seeing more fuel efficient cars. And no matter what your reason is for buying one, it's always a good thing.

Post Write
It's a significant improvement from the last draft. The intro again, works well. Also, the transitions from paragraph to paragraph are good. Also, I more closely defined the causes and effects of the trend, and made it a bit longer.
The paragraphs I think are organized, but could be organized a bit better. Maybe some of the paragraph topics aren't so clear.

Trends draft one

2009-12-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

Jordan DoMonte

Prius sales have gone down 45 percent since last year, but driving fuel efficient cars is now becoming a trend despite the poor sales. The number of sales for other eco friendly cars has gone up, and by 2014 over half of the united states population will have these green cars in their garages. Every major car company is working on or has made atleast one fuel efficient automobile, and many more will be available on the market.

But what has caused people to suddenly want these eco friendly cars? In America, it's not because they want to save the environment, high gas prices have caused people to think twice about choosing the right car. And the high gas prices are due to limited fossil fuel resources, and a number of other complications. Eventually, all of our fossil fuels will be used up, and we're already finding it harder to reach them.

Although the ads say we should buy them to save the environemnt, all we reallly want is to save a couple bucks. Trucks and SUV's are really costly to fill up, but we need them to tend to the larger families, so now we're seeing more and more of them as fuel efficient. Although there are now stricter emissions standards for new cars, we still see people driving gas guzzlers from the 70's and 80's, because these cars are just a cheaper buy. Again, money being the reason for the car, and not whether it's environmental or not.

Another reason these cars are becoming a trend is because some of them are actually cheap and somewhat stylish. The Toyota Yaris is 12,000 dollars brand new, yet gets 30mpg, being a cheap car, and cheap on gas. The brand new Honda Civic are around 15,000 dollars, and get about 28 mpg's, and are a popular choice among teenagers. Even American car makers including Chevrolet have been putting out cheap, fuel efficient cars. The Chevy Aveo is economically sane at 11,000 dollars, and evironmentally safe with 32 mpg's!

But is just the high gas prices and shortage of fossil fuels? The economy is also playing a big part in this, as it is with almost everything. It's a fact, money's tight, we don't have that much money to be spending on gas guzzling, bohemoth suv's and trucks. We have to be smart about our money, and green cars are a great way to do so. Some cars have a system where using the stepping on the breaks can actually generate power to fuel the car! Take that, Hummer.

So, because of the shortage of fossil fuels, the rough economy,(and in other parts of the world, the environment) we're seeing more fuel efficient cars. And no matter what your reason is for buying one, it's always a good thing.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2009/06/prius_sales.html
http://www.bionomicfuel.com/60-of-american-families-will-have-an-eco-car-in-their-garage-by-2014/
http://www.chevrolet.com/aveo-family/
http://www.toyota.com

Post Write
The introduction starts off pretty well with a stat, and I follow it up well I think. I used multiple sources, but I didn't actually talk to anyone, or have an intreview, and I need something like that. But the information I think is presented pretty well, and everything is in the right place.

Anottation draft 2

2009-11-29T18:22:00.000-08:00

"Massachusetts takes on climate change."
UCLA Journal of Environmental Law & Policy
find.galegroup.com/gtx/start.do?prodld=AONE&userGroupName=mlin_s_bristcc

"Massachusetts takes on climate change" is about Massachusetts and what it's doing to solve the climate change crisis. It goes on about reducing our demand on carbon and other greenhouse gases. "Efforts to lower the greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions that contribute to climate change must focus on reducing our demand for carbon-intensive electricity generation and fuels, and on increasing our supply of renewable energy.

According to the article, Massachusetts is setting the standards for green technologies by deploying several alternative forms of energy, such as wind power, wave power, and even solar powers. At least five new green laws were implemented by Governor Deval Patrick. Also, Massachusetts has been participating with a number of different environmental programs, taking the necessary small and large steps to find a solution for the crisis.

One of the programs is called the green communities program, which was established in order to help municipalities increase the availability of renewable energies. If everything goes according to planned, Massachusetts should make atleast tenmillion dollars a year, while increasing our energy and even reducing bills.

Post Write
I think I improved the article a bit, and I think I did a good job with the citation. The first paragraph sets up the second one pretty well, and the third one adds a bit more information about the article.

Annotation of article first draft

2009-11-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

"Massachusetts takes on climate change"
UCLA Journal of Environmental Law & Policy 27.2 (Winter 2009): p295

This article is all about Massachusetts and what it's doing to solve the climate change crisis. It goes on about reducing our demand on carbon and other greenhouse gases. "Efforts to lower the greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions that contribute to climate change must focus on reducing our demand on carbon-intensive electricity generation and fuels, and on increasing our supply of renewable energy.

According to the article, Massachusetts is setting the standards for green technologies by deploying several alternative forms of energy, and even setting new, environmental laws as well. At least five new green laws were implemented by Governor Deval Patrick. Also, Massachusetts has also been participating with a number of different environmental groups, taking the necesarry small and large steps to improve the climate crisis.

Post Write
I'm aware that I don't really have the source citation down correctly, and I believe my annotation could use more information, and doesn't summarize the article well enough.

Proposal

2009-11-09T17:12:00.001-08:00

Pollution has become a big problem in many urban developments, and is not only a local problem but an international crisis. Pollution is the contaminants of the natural world around us, the ecosystem, and can have numerous detrimental effects on people and the way we live. It can come in many forms such as waste from garbage, chemicals from power plants or other energy plants, or even something as simple as a candy wrapper. All types no matter how small, can cause world wide problems.

A single candy wrapper won't destroy the world, but add up all the garbage on all the streets in all the cities and towns in all the states of America. Add that to all of the garbage and other forms of pollution on a global scale, and you have yourself a major problem. Zambia, Africa is on the lists on worlds most polluted places. The health of the people living there is usually poor to deplorable. Out of 1,00 babies born, 120 of them will die from poor health conditions.

Another example of pollutions harmful effects was seen in full force in Chernobyl, Ukraine. April 26, 1986, the cities power plant exploded, and released enormous amounts of radiation throughout the town and small places around it. 57 people died directly from it, and an estimated 4,000 cases of cancer were caused due to the incident. Workers could only work for 40 seconds at a time clearing debris from the incident. It is now a ghost town, and until this very day is highly radiated, and completely uninhabited. Also, it has been reported the incident has caused around 200,000 deaths during the 90's and 2000's due to it's lingering effects.

Smaller forms of pollution have also created incredible problems proving difficult for world leaders to handle. A single bottle can find it's way into a landfill, and stay there forever because most are not biodegradable. It's not only bottles, but everything that ends up in a landfill, the contaminates can and have spread throughout the environment and have caused significant issues. The air has become far less healthy, and our water has also been polluted. Pollution has killed off many animals, and has certainly caused many health concerns for humans such as lung diseases, radiation poisoning, and even cardiovascular issues. Over 600,000 babies in China die prematurely each year because of unhealthy air, and 527,000 people die each year in India due to air pollution.

Not only does it effect us directly, but also indirectly. C02 emissions are slowly causing a climate change, and as a result, many species will die off. Also, the water level has been rising due to the melting of glaciers. Major cities along the coast including New York, could be underwater within one hundred years if the trend continues. Our ph in soil could and has been disrupted, making much land unusable for growing food. Acid rain is also caused by pollution.

So why do do people cause these problems for themselves for the rest of the world when the sollutions can be very simple? Recycle, save energy, be conservative, not wasteful. Be educated about it, spread the information around. If one person changed fight light bulbs in their homes to compact flourescent bulbs, 275 pounds of c02 could be saved. In the summer, if you take a fan, and set your heat to 75 degrees, you can cut down your c02 emissions by 360 pounds! And take the bus, you could save 800 pounds of c02. So get educated, learn a little bit about pollution and what you can do to stop it. The solution to pollution is easy, don't waste anything, be sure not to let your pollutants out into the air or land, and whatever you cannot save, recycle.

Post Write
I think I did a good job on it, but I believe the solution needs more clarity, it needs more work. I think I present the problem well, and I feel it would almost kind of scare people to want to be more conservative, or actually even look more up about it. I think I kind of burst into the topic of c02, and completely abandon all other forms of pollution at the end, and it's also kind of long and maybe drawn out

News Article Second Draft

2009-10-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

A little over one hundred students attended the 2nd annual college fair at Durfee High Tuesday night. More than fifty schools were represented as well as the Army and Navy. Students frantically bumped shoulders, heading from one table to the next, gathering as much information as they could. Small schools and community colleges were a big hit, yet big schools like Boston University and Assumption college had few students interested. Many students unable to go to these schools mainly because they're too expensive.

Why have the smaller schools become more popular for Durfee students? The main issue seems to be cost, as many students told me many colleges were just financially out of reach. Durfee attendee Shannon Machado exclaims that her options are limited, "I don't have enough to go to schools like Boston University, or even UMass. It's tough for me to find a good, cheap school that has what I want. But you just have to hope for a scholarship, it's the only way".

The economic status is certainly a punch in the mouth to students who want a good education, but it's not the economy alone. Many students argue that many schools have always been too expensive, and thus are unable to get the education they want. Financial aid has been granted to many students in the area. According to Rhode Island Community college, most students have some form of finacial aid. Yet, a majority say it's still not enough.

Durfee students and Fall River students alike are finding it hard to get the money they need for college. Many have found comfort though, in community colleges. These schools are far cheaper than state or private schools, and offer good education. Massasoit Community College has confirmed that since 2001, the population has increased significantly with more students entering every year. Also, Rhode Island Community College has also reported a rise in students as well as BCC.

Community college seems to be a growing trend. Students Dennis Pacheco said, " I've looked around for a bit, and I noticed that the community colleges have the same courses and trades. But they're also a lot more accessible and convenient".

It's not an issue of career fields, or high standards. How can students become successful and make money if there's no money around? Most students of Durfee High agree that community college is the best option for those struggling to find money.

Even so, most students even at community colleges have some form of financial aid. If colleges are too expensive, then can the smaller schools solve the issue? And what will happen if these schools become packed? No matter what, we find many students struggling for money to pay for college. And many fear that they don't have enough.

Post Write
I think this piece is decent, I like the lead, I think it's clear and summarizes the problem well. The angle is pretty clear, focusing on the fact many schools have gone to community colleges and can't go to certain schools. I used quotations well, and I think I did a good job of picking and choosing what parts of the quotes I wanna use. I think it needs to be polished and presented in a better way, some paragraphs are really short, while some are much logner

News Paper Article

2009-10-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

College Fair Fear?
Fall River Post
A little over a hundred students attended the 2nd annual college fair at Durfee High Tuesday night. Over fifty colleges and Universities were represented, and the U.S military including the Army and the Navy. Students frantically bumped shoudlers, heading from one table to the next. Even with hudnreds of students, many tables were left empty, why?

The main issue seems to be cost, as many students explained that many of the colleges were too expensive. Durfee student Shannon Machado exclaimed that her options were limited, “I don’t have enough money to go to schools like Boston College or even Umass. It’s really hard for me to find a good, cheap school that has what I want. But you just have to work hard and hope for a scholarship. It’s the only way”.

Is the economy effecting how many scholarships and how much financial aid is being distributed? According to Rhode Island Community College, most students in the area are relying on some form of financial aid or scholarship. Distribution of financial aid doesn’t seem to be an issue, but most students agree that what they’re getting as aid still isn’t enough.

Students in Fall River are finding it hard to get the money for college, what are they doing to get their education? Many students are taking semesters off to look for jobs as it’s the only source of money for them. As a result some have completely abandoned school and have joined the work force. But others have found economic comfort in community colleges. These schools are far cheaper, and atleast offer an education. Since 2001, many community colleges have reported an increase in students, two of the most significant being Massasoit Community College, and Rhode Island Community College.

When students were asked about community colleges, most agreed that these schools were on the top of their lists. Dennis Pacheco, student of Durfee said that community colelge is his only option. “I’ve been lookin’ around for a bit, and many of the community colleges here offer the same classes and trades at a more reasonable price. And these colleges are a lot more accessible and convienient”. These students have made it official, Bristol Community College is the new Yale.

According to students, it’s not an issue of career fields or standards being too high. How can students expect to become successful and make money when money is tight? How can they make money if they can’t get the education? These teenagers seem to agree that Community colelge is the best option.

Even so, most students at community colleges have some form of financial aid as well. So are these colleges, community or not, too expensive? And can these smaller schools solve the issue? Either way, we find many students in this area and other areas alike are finding it difficult to pay for college. And many fear they won’t have enough.

Post Write
I think my lead is pretty good, and my angles are good as well. I think they’re very clear. Are colleges too expensive? And can community colleges solve the issue? I think I used quotations well too. A problem I see is too much repetion of the words community college, and it’s local, but it’s also a nation wide problem.

Application Essay draft 2

2009-10-06T16:47:00.000-07:00

Write an essay about something you have outgrown, or anything that has had an influence on you. What, if anything, has taken its place?

It wasn't a lot, really just a slab of leather. One of the only birthday gifts I had received that year, my first baseball glove. I wasn't huge on baseball, but I also wasn't huge on basketball, football, soccer or hockey either. It was really the only piece of sports equipment to my name, and my only gift. My aunt was an avid Yankees fan, always shouting for people like Bernie Williams and Paul O'Neil. I had no clue who these people were, but I knew they were the good guys. So I sat there anxiously with my new glove by my side, and cheered them on too.

Anytime my aunt would sit me down for a game, my mitt, like my companion, was always by my side. I often found my self tossing up a household item into my glove and shouting, "What an amazing catch by Jeter!". Number two was number one in my house. I had never really been interested before, but now that I had a glove I could actually enjoy watching the games. Wanting to be like Jeter, I went outside almost everyday and tried to throw baseballs as high as I could, and catch them as they came back down. My roof and gutters were quick to steal a number of my baseballs, and after my mom's constants complaints, I went to the park instead.

My father parks his car outside of Kennedy park as my friend Charlie and I climb out and eagerly step onto the diamond. Charlie was a decent hitter, he had played a lot more than me, so I went to center field where I assumed he would hit it. With everyone in position my father lobs the ball to the batter, Charlie. He lifs his front leg, then puts it back down and twists his hips swinging at the ball with his body and sends a shot to center field. As I begin to run, the ball starts its descent, and I decide to go for it. The leap of faith I called it; I caught the ball with the rim of my mitt and slid on the grass as it stained my glove. My father stood there, proud of me. I stood there, proud of myself. And Charlie stood there, angry because I had robbed his base hit.

The feeling was incredible, and I knew I wanted to feel it again. I kissed my glvoe, and went on with the day. "Old Faithful" was the nick name I had coined for my glove. For seven years I would play baseball with the only glove I had ever had. The padding had become non existent, so any ball I had stopped would make my hands sore. But I would gladly go home with a sore hand every day if I could make one amazing play with that glove. Way in the back of my head was always the thought that I needed a new glove. After all, this thing was dirty, a little small, and had a hole in the webbing. A fly ball could easily pierce through and crack me on the head.

I found myself at Olympia Sports, gazing up at the wall of gloves. One in particular, had caught my eye and didn't leave. An Easton, the stitching was very elaborate, and the leather I remember had a very strong scent. The light tan color looked incredibly smooth, and the dark brown interior was soft and comfortable. I figured since I was going to replace my first glove, I was going to buy the best one I could find. The glove was going to be needed to be broken in, so that's exactly what I did.

Baseball is a sport I love, and it truly makes me happy. When I step onto a baseball diamond, nothing and no one can bring me down. Nothing compares to the feeling of when I slip on my glove. I have outgrown my first glove, the thing that made me love the game. But I haven't outgrown the baseball diamond. I'll gladly continue to play ball.

Post Write
I think it's an OK piece of writing. I think it's better than the first draft, and the conclusion is good. I'm not too sure the subject will wow anyone, and I feel one of the body paragraphs is weak. The first two paragraphs I believe are well done. I believe I answered the question well though, and clearly answered the prompt.

This I believe First Draft

2009-09-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

Human kind has created many things, crafted many arts, and has engineered incredible structures. The human is an extraordinary species with many attributes separating them from the rest of the animal kingdom. But what really makes the human race special? I believe emotion is the most beautiful aspect of a human being.

There are lots of different emotions, and each one can have a big impact on me if I'm presented with a situation I've never been in before. They certainly get the best of me sometimes, but it's a beautiful learning process despite some of the let downs. It's what makes humans, human, and it's what makes me human.

One of the things that brings out my emotion is music. Whenevr I'm bummed out, listening to my favorite music never fails. It's a cure for sadness, and it's also my good friend when I'm happy. I had just recently gone to a U2 concert with my father and sister, and many of the songs I felt like everyone was in unison. Thousands of people at once shared the same emotion with people they didn't even know. It was a really powertful, special feeeling. It made me feel incredibly happy.

So as far as being successful goes, as long as I'm truly happy, I'm successful. I know I don't need a huge house, I don't need spinners for my Cadillac, or a Cadillac at all. I don't need to know I have millions of dollars in the bank. And I don't even really care if the Yankees won the World Series, although it would be nice. The most beautiful thing to me is emotion. And as long as I can feel them, and be able to share my happiness with someone special, I'll be successful.

Post Write
I believe it's an ok piece of writing. But it was really rushed, and not much was covered. It was long enough, and I didn't present a moment when my belief was challenged. And it kind of seems like I went off into a completely different subject about being happy and successful. I need to make a major change in the story line.

This I believe Second Draft

2009-09-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Man kind has created many things, crafted and perfected skillful arts, and have engineered extravagant structures. The human is an extraordinary species unlike any other on Earth. We are unique in that we are self conscious and very intelligent . But what truly defines the human species and makes us special? I believe emotion is the most beautiful, and meaningful aspect of a human.

Emotions come in a whole range of forms, and each one can have a big impact on how I act and react as I go about my day. They certainly get the best of me sometimes, and they're not always good. Sometimes, I feel like as if I were better off without them. When I was younger, my stepfather came into my life. I was angry because he wasn't like my real father, and I didn't like him because of the way I thought he was. I said things that had upset him and had hurt him. My emotions didn't light up with beauty, but darkened and showed some ugly things.

Years had passed, and things were always up and down. Our relationship became like glass; It was solid, but little things could easily crack it. Because of our anger, and because of our feelings, words that should've stayed in our mouths flew out recklessly like arrows. After seven or eight years, things were better between us. It wasn't perfect, but we both understood each other and respected each other.

One day I wasn't sitting in my grandmothers car, waiting to be dropped off at home. My sister called me and told me my stepfather had passed away. My mother had found him motionless on his bed. He couldn't do what other humans did now. He couldn't laugh, he couldn't cry, he couldn't work, and he couldn't feel a thing. After he died, I realized how human he was. Because sometimes he had felt differently, I thought he was nothing like me. But he was exactly like me, we both let our emotions get in the way. The thing that made us beautiful and sweet had also made us ugly and cruel.

For days and nights after, whenever I was alone I sat down and cried. There was nothing else I could do. But for the first time ever, I finally felt like I was emotionally connected to my stepfather. Sometimes I like to listen to the Rolling Stones. It was his favorite band, so when I hear them I like to blast the stereo. It makes me feel good, and I almost feel as if he was right there sometimes, strumming along on his guitar with the huge grin he wore so well. There were always those happy times when we had gone to the beach with his son, and when we had gone out to his favorite eateries. We enjoyed lots of fun moments together, and I'll keep those moments close beside me along with the bad ones. Because even though our emotions collided sometimes, they also brought us together in beautiful, special kind of way.

Post Write
I believe my writing has improved from first draft to second. I saw I needed to make some change, such as when my belief was challenged. I also completely changed the story because my first story didn't really produce the feeling and thought I wanted readers to feel. And I believe it's an improvement. But it still rushes from one place to another, and I believe things happen a bit too fast.

Eating disorders

2009-09-13T16:36:00.001-07:00

Jordan DoMonte Eng11.A12

Beauty is not always in the eye of the beholder, it's also in the mind. What influences what a person views as beautiful? It's a time where pop stars and divas define beauty in the modern world, as children try to imitate their beloved idols. Magazines and television posting up pictures and videos of fabricated beauty misleading many teens into "thinking" that they're not beautiful. Jean Kilbourne has assessed advertising and media are the main reason why girls as young as eleven are watching their weight.

I agree with Kilbourne, in today's world, how many overweight actors or singers are posterized? How many of the idols are actually at a healthy weight? Many are at dangerously low weights but yet their bodies are the symbol of what women should look like. It all comes down to perfection of the human body. The problem is, it's impossible to obtain the perfect body, but, it is not impossible to obtain the body you're happy with.

Then why are a large number of women unhappy with their healthy bodies? It's because their bodies are not the same as those of idols and models. I wholeheartedly believe that if models were average size, and people didn't try to advertise perfection, many women and even men would have a more realistic view on what is beautiful, and what is real.